Whatever I want

Mr. 8: I can’t wait until I’m old enough to do whatever I want.

Mr. 4: Like fire the house?

Mask making seems fun, but I think I’d really rather be a scientist

And I could make discoveries and create new things. Like, I could make entirely new animals! Like something that would be part human and part tiger!

I’m going to make a car that is made out of glass.

All of it. Glass. But with rubber tires. Or big spiky wheels.

You know what I’m going to be?

A mouse!

If I make a new machine, will I need a license for it?

Because I think for what I want to make I will need a combination of a motorcycle license and a flyer’s license.

When I’m a mask-maker, I will rate my masks

And most of them will probably be PG-13. And I’m going to make some that are so scary, they’ll be rated X.

Or maybe I’ll rate them by how old you should be. Like for third-graders and older.

Or you could rate the scariest ones “N” for “so scary Nobody should wear them.

[Pleased cackle] Yes, that would be good.

I’m going to invent a hat with a juicer on it

So you can just take an apple or a carrot or whatever and put it in a container on your hat and it will make juice out of it. And it will have a straw like one of those backpacks where you can put water in them. And when I have a son or daughter I will make them a Halloween costume that looks like the hat.

I’m going to make a pair of boots that you will never want to take off

…because they will have a heater and a cooler in them.

I’m going to make a record called “Potty Talk Rock.”

And the DJ can move the record back and forth so it says “somebody farted farted farted.”

When I’m a secret agent, I’m going to wear gloves.

That way I can keep paper towels in my pocket that are wet with acid and then when the bad guys are around I can get acid on my gloves and when I hit them they’ll get burned by the acid.